Dear 2013,

What a year you were! Today we'll reflect on the past twelve months and enjoy a relaxing evening at home with yummy food, games, and family time. (I am still contemplating whether I will try to stay up for the big "ringing in" of the New Year or not...everyone will probably be happier if Mom goes to bed on time! We shall see, though.)

At the top of our list of highlights and blessings would be our newest little addition, Miss Avery Jordann who arrived in April and has completed our family in every way. She brings us so much joy-Joe and I look at each other and we just cannot get over how sweet she is. Yes, we are biased, but she is the perfect little complement to her big sister and brother. We are so excited to see how they play and interact as she continues to grow and change.

I have been blessed to be able to "stay home" with our kids since Avery's arrival. I use the term "stay home" loosely because well, we don't really just stay home very often! Between running Sydney to Kindergarten and managing naps/feedings with Avery, and preschool Tues and Thur for Gavin, plus early release on Wednesday, I feel like we are on the go quite a lot! It isn't always easy and quite often by the end of the day I feel more exhausted than when I was teaching full-time (how? I do not know...beats me!) However, again, I am so fortunate that I get to do this: just be Mom and a wife!

This past summer since Avery was still pretty tiny, we had a little mini-vacation right up to Kansas City. We visited the zoo, Kaleidoscope at Crown Center, and Worlds of Fun.

Sydney also tried Junior Golf and enjoyed it! Good thing Joe and I didn't sell our golf clubs, it seems we may have a future golfer on our hands (actually two-Gavin enjoys it too!) 

In August, we sent our two oldest off to their schools! Sydney started Kindergarten and Gavin started preschool, two days a week. They both enjoy and love going to school and are growing so much, right before our very eyes!

Many other memories have been made and fun times had over the past year and we could not ask for anything more. Life is busy, but life is good. We have been blessed in a multitude of ways and today is a great time to slow down and count those blessings. We have each other, we have our health, we have everything we need plus more, we have family and friends who love our children and our family. We are excited about what 2014 holds in store for our family!

Birthday wishes to Heaven!

Today my mom would have celebrated her 60th birthday and it's the fourth birthday of hers where we send her birthday love to Heaven. Overall, I feel like I have finally accepted our new reality--the way things are without her here, establishing a new normal, blah blah blah...everything everyone tells you to do or tells you to expect, once you have lost someone significant in your life. However, days like today (and Christmas), I cannot help but wonder what life would be like if she were still here. Especially today on her special day--how would we have celebrated? We would definitely have planned a party with cake, balloons, wine, her favorite people, in a place of her choice. (One year we spent it on the plaza in KC (she'd never been) and we enjoyed walking around the shops, seeing the lights, eating yummy food, drinking and playing cards in the hotel room. I imagine she would want to do something like that again--I know she enjoyed it and talked about it often.) Christmas and her birthday are two of the hardest days for me when it comes to missing her and on these days I find myself pondering what life would be like if she were still here.

Over the last week I have been overwhelmed with the feeling of just missing her; a weird combination of speechlessness + huge void + sadness. Bailey brought back some of her Christmas decorations and her Santa collection and what a blessing it has been to be surrounded by some of Mom's favorite things. Some of the boxes were filled with the smell of our childhood home at Christmastime--one that I cherished. Some of the candle holders have half burnt candles in them, so I've been enjoying them as well. I also have three of her Swedish table runners that she would put out throughout the house, her kitchen Christmas tree with cookie cutter ornaments, among a few other things. It helps and I am grateful to have these pieces of her in our home for the Christmas season. 

So on this day, I think of my mom. I would love the chance to hug her or talk to her just once more, but even that wouldn't be enough. Until the day we are reunited again, I will hold the memories of her dear to my heart, try to be the kind of mom she was to us, and send her birthday love to Heaven! 

Happy birthday Sydney!

A few days ago we celebrated your birth with a fun day of some of your favorite things! You basically led the show and chose what we ate and what we did and first up were pancakes for breakfast. To follow, we headed up to the aquarium at Crown Center, but first enjoyed pizza for lunch (FYI D'Bronx pizza is so very delicious!), some ice cream for us and a cookie for you, and a special trip to the Crown Center toy store. Shortly after, we headed over and enjoyed the aquarium and all of the sea creatures! We thought about driving around the plaza to see the lights like we have done for the past couple of years, but you were very anxious to get back home to play with your new toys, so we made our way back home instead. It was a fun, freezing cold, day that you declared "best day of your life!" :)

Each year when your birthday rolls around, naturally I replay the moments and hours leading up to your arrival. You were actually supposed to be a January baby, January 25th to be more precise. I had just had a doctors appointment the Wednesday before you arrived and the doctor didn't seem to think I'd be having a baby anytime soon. The following Friday was my last day of school before going on winter break (I told myself I would work on my sub plans while I was home on winter break--ha!), Dad and I exchanged our gifts for each other and got our gifts for our families situated for Christmas Day. (Oh and a huge snow storm had just came through and another was about to arrive...) Saturday, December 22nd was spent washing baby clothes and sheets, organizing drawers. I vividly recall thinking about packing my hospital bag, but decided against it and went about doing other things. That night we were watching football and eating chili when I soon found out that you were on your way! A quick visit with the nurse and a doctor confirmed it...she said "you'll have a baby tonight!" She was wrong about one thing though-we were having a baby, but you weren't born until after lunchtime the very next day! Whew it was a long time, but when you arrived I remember saying "she's the most beautiful baby I've ever seen!" We were ecstatic to finally meet you and were overjoyed that you were here and (seemingly) okay. Phone calls were made, hugs were passed around--but you were born with a fever so they had to take you to the nursery to see if they could give you some medicine to help you. While you were in the nursery, you started to have trouble breathing which they called "respiratory distress." Since you were so little and the hospital wasn't equipped to care for a premature baby, the decision was made to have you sent to Stormont Vail about an hour away. They sent for the Life Star helicopter and when you were only about 4 hours old you had your first (and only, thank God) helicopter ride! The nurses and staff assured us that this happens at least once a month, but you were our very first baby and in the moments leading up to you leaving and the moments after, it felt like we were the first and only parents in the world that had to be separated from their baby. The day of your birth went from the very best day of our lives to our very worst in just a matter of a few hours; however, once you arrived at the other hospital, they were quick to get you on the road to better health and I was able to join you that night. Daddy slept in the room with you (there was not a bed-just an awful, uncomfortable reclining/rocking chair) and I stayed at our cousins' house. The next eight days were pretty emotionally taxing on all of us, but we were reassured that you were going to be just fine and "respiratory distress" really is quite common in babies that are born early. We were able to bring you home on New Years Eve day and we got to ring in the new year 2008 together as a family of three, in our very own home. The following six years have flown by and we could not be more proud of the little person you have become. We love you so very much Sydney!
                                    

Letters to our Children: Avery

Happy 8th Month Avery!

You are growing up so quickly and we are having so much fun with you. This last month has been a busy one for you! Toward the end of November I noticed your very first tooth popping through (on the bottom, your left), and it was quickly followed by its neighbor, bottom right. Even just those two teeth already change the look of your sweet smile and you look bigger! Here are some of the cool things you are up to:

• sitting up for longer periods at a time! You do really well, but still occasionally tip over or fall off to your side.
• two teeth! (you chew and gnaw on everything!)
• babbling: you love to "talk" to us and are making lots of sounds! not just consonant sounds (mmmm, ggg, bbbb, ddd) but also "raspberries" and what I like to call "forced crying." ;) Crying without the tears and is pretty easily turned off when you get what you want. :) 
• clapping! You have always loved pat-a-cake and now you can do it on your own!
• rolling and reaching for things, though you are pretty content in staying in one spot so far. 
• You like lift-the-flap books, you lift the flaps, turn the page, and chew on the edges. :)
• You love to sleep on your tummy!
• Sleeping through the night the last three nights....Mom isn't declaring victory over the sleepless nights just yet, but I am encouraged and enjoying the rest. :)
• stick your tongue out!
• feed yourself food! you love bananas, noodles, chicken, pancakes

You bring us so much joy and are such a sweet, sweet baby. 

We love you to pieces!!!

Love you forever, Mom

Letters to our Children: Gavin

Hello my sweet boy...

It is no surprise to anyone who knows you that you thoroughly enjoy, love, and cherish your trains. ("I love trains!" was the first thing that came out of your mouth the other night when Dad said "say anything" as he recorded you---we were testing out our video camera to make sure it was working properly!) You currently have two separate set of trains; one is the larger, plastic, Thomas the Train set of tracks, trains, train cars, bridges, etc. The second set is one that was given to me by a friend when she quit teaching (she taught Kindergarten and kept this smaller, wooden set in her classroom.) You love them both--in fact the Thomas set traveled with us to Florida for Uncle Derrick and Aunt Bailey's wedding. (It entertained you in a not so child-friendly beach house, which was its purpose. :)) However, you most recently have become very attached to your "small" train set. When they were kept at my classroom, each time you came to visit you would head straight for the closet doors and would ask for the four baskets of wooden train tracks, bridges, and train cars. One day you were so upset at leaving the trains, I figured we could just bring them home "for the weekend." That "weekend" turned into weeks, then months, then eventually I ended up bringing all of the other baskets home to stay with us forever! It was the best thing we could have done, as those four plastic baskets have merged into one huge basket that permanently resides in our living room. Every day you build at least one track, sometimes more, and I often don't have the heart to disassemble it at the end of the day, so it may stay for a day or two. I have loved, loved, LOVED, watching you play with your trains. I feel like it gives me a small glimpse of how your precious little mind is working. You take your track building very seriously and have worked so hard at learning how to build them yourself, complete with bridges and criss-crosses. You always try to make a "really huge train" too with all of your train cars attached to the engine, with a caboose on the end. I see you solve the problem of the train cars repelling from one another and you swiftly spin one of them around and continue on throughout the rest of the train, spinning and connecting. I love it!

Now, as much as I love watching you play with your trains and as much as I enjoy playing trains with you--I am certainly not the master train track builder in our family. That role is filled by Dad. He is much better at it than I am (it must be his engineer, problem solving mind!) and when you ask me to make a track, I stick to the basics. I get great ideas of curvy loops and bridges and criss-crosses, but I cannot ever make them come to fruition. However, the other day you wanted me to recreate one of the best train tracks that Dad has ever made with these little wooden tracks (it had 3 loops and used all 3 of the bridges--quite a challenge!) I looked at you and said "oh, that's pretty tricky. I'm not very good at it...Dad is much better at it than I am." You looked right back at me and said "just try. Just try, Mom." Um, how can I argue with that?! (In a flash this total "Mom" thought whipped through my brain: "Aren't I always the one encouraging him to try new things?? (new food, dressing himself, etc., etc.) That certainly isn't going to go away, so what kind of example would I be setting if I did not try to build him this train track. Shouldn't he see that I believe in myself enough to do this for him?" etc. etc. etc.) So, we dove in and tried it. We worked together and we did it! We made a rather awesome train track, if I may be so bold. I was SO proud of it, you loved it....so I took pictures of it. Then I took pictures of the two of us with the train track. Then I looked at you, my sweet boy, and thanked you for encouraging me to try it, even when I didn't think I could do it. You believed in me, even when I didn't believe in myself.  Thank you, my sweet Gavin!

Love you forever and always,
Mom

December. Sydney's birth month!

We are about five days into the month of December and I am reminded that before long our first baby will be six. SIX! Every year I tell myself that age sounds so big and so grown up and I can't believe we have a child that "old." Something about six though is kind of hard to accept. She's reached and passed the "halfway" mark to ten. Now we are halfway through Kindergarten and it is flying by. Before long she'll be on summer vacation and preparing for her first grade year and in December 2014 I will be right back here typing the same words, but with a few changes (and I imagine all other subsequent years to come.) It is a bittersweet time as we watch our children grow and change-so much to be excited for, but a heart aches at how fast it's going and on occasion, I long for them to be their little infant or toddler selves again. I am sure I'll write a separate birthday post for Sydney in a few weeks, so I will try to keep this one at a minimum!

Dearest Sydney,

It's December! You'll be six years old before we know it. We are so proud of the little person you are becoming. Sometimes some of the things you say and do blow me away! In many areas you are wise beyond your years. I miss you when you are at school all day and I find myself checking the clock after lunch, with the hopes it's close to 3:35. Our home just doesn't feel complete until we have picked you up from school and brought you home with us! Since I don't see you most of the day one of my favorite moments of the day is at bedtime. I usually sing you your song "Goodnight my Princess" (which I completely made up, on the fly, one night years ago when you asked me for a princess song at bedtime! The next night you asked for it again and I had to try and remember how it went....you helped me. :)) After I sing your song and rub your back (or scratch it-whichever you prefer that night!) we usually have a little bit of time to chat about your day. I love hearing about your day, your friends, the exciting parts, the challenging moments, the good choices you made and good deeds you performed. I could talk to you, one-on-one, for the rest of the night, so I am sad when I have to cut our chat short because it's time for bed. You are always so sweet and gentle....we exchange hugs, kisses, and "I love yous"...I wish you sweet dreams and you send the same wish back to me. You have such a big heart-caring, thoughtful, and genuine-full of love! I could not be more proud of you!

Love you,
Mom

Letters to our Children: Gavin Joseph

Dear Gavin,

I am thoroughly enjoying our time together here at home! I know you miss Sydney while she's at school and it warms my heart to see you two reunited at the end of the school day. You both take off and play for hours until it's time to eat supper! Some nights, you both play constantly until Dad comes home and even then, you take a short break to greet him and then get right back to playing. Watching you two reminds me of the scene at the end of Toy Story 3--where Andy brings his toys to the little girl named Bonnie and they start playing together. You two can make a story out of anything and with any characters (usually it's barbies and dinosaurs--what a combination!) I love it though and it is so much fun to watch. I try to play as well as Sydney, but it can be a challenge for me to revert to my childhood, imaginative mindset! So we spend our days building train tracks, working on and completing puzzles, building with legos, crashing trains on the train tracks we built, searching for worms (and any other bugs we can find!), reading books, and playing other games (today was Hedbandz!) I feel so blessed to be here with you every single day, you are growing and changing right before my very eyes and I am so proud of the little man you are becoming.

Whenever I let myself sit back and just watch you when you're playing on your own or with others, or if I sit back and watch you get yourself ready, or watch you with Avery...I see glimpses of the kind of person you will be as you grow older. You are thoughtful (you are a great helper and love to have "jobs"), you love to cook! (you always want to help me bake or make your lunch), you are loving (you always talk about how you miss Dad, Syd, or Aunt Bailey), you are adventurous--driving Dad crazy as you constantly flip over the rocks in the front yard in the search for bugs! You are determined and strong-willed. I admire this quality because I know it will take you far in life, however, it can pose quite a challenge for us as well. : ) I am figuring you out though and can generally help us both work through sticky situations so that we are both happy in the end. You are a problem solver! I love watching you build your trains and figure out what to do when they just don't connect...your little hands move so quickly to flip them around and connect them--then you flip around the rest to make it all work together. (this also applies to building train tracks!) Books and puzzles are still a favorite of yours and on occasion, when I cannot hear you somewhere in the house (I must admit, for a brief moment I panic!), I will find you looking through books in your room or putting puzzles together (again-you're a problem solver!) This is another quality that will take you far in life! I cannot wait to see what lies ahead for you, sweet boy. I am honored to be a part of all of the great things you will do. I love you more than you'll ever know!

Love,
Mom

Letters to our Children: Avery Jordann

Dearest Avery (aka: munchkin, sweet pea, sweetest-little-sister-ever, Avery J, Miss A...)

(Apparently being the baby of the family means that you are given dozens of nicknames. No worries-they are all given with love and affection for the littlest member of our family.)

You are now seven months old and I am almost, not completely, in denial of this fact! These months have flown by and I fear that they will continue to do so. We are having so much fun with you. You adore your brother and sister and will smile and laugh at the goofy things they do! You also love your daddy...you love looking at his hair, feeling his whiskers and listening to his deep voice. You love messing with (aka pulling/yanking/tugging!) on my hair while we rock and while you eat. You are *this* close to sitting up on your own-it happens for a few seconds at a time or if you are really focused on something, like the little toy piano. (Maybe you'll be a musician!) Also, I just got you from your nap and you were smacking your lips and when I mimicked you, you did it again! See? You are so much fun! Sometimes when I am trying to help you go to sleep, Dad will come up and tell you goodnight (one more time!) and we'll both end up playing with you more! Sometimes bedtime is hard because we don't want you to go to sleep. : ) However, bedtime can be hard sometimes when you don't want to go to sleep either--that's where we're at right now. : ) I figure you're too busy with the world around you that you don't care to slow down for sleep! A few more things and then you and I are off to snuggle while you eat. I realized this morning how fortunate we are that you are such a laidback, fairly easygoing baby. We had to cut one of your feedings in half so we could go get Gavin from preschool and before that you were carted around on an hour long walk with Mom and her friend. You are constantly on the go with us being shuffled here and there and you just go with the flow. Not only are you sweet and snuggly and fun, but you are such a wonderful blessing to our family. Each one of us loves you to pieces and could not ask for a sweeter baby to have added to our family. We are so thankful God gave us YOU!

Love you more than you'll ever know...
Mom

Letters to our Children: Cinderella

Dear Sydney,

November is here and I am having so much fun watching you admire the trees as their leaves turn to the most beautiful shades of red, orange, yellow, and gold. Some are so bright they almost glow! Within just the last couple of weeks it has turned so much colder that the leaves are shedding and many of our trees are now "naked" as you like to say. We had so much fun playing in the many leaves that fell from our neighbors' tree. You and Gavin raked them up (with my help) and jumped in the pile! A friend raked a "track" in the leaves and you both loved racing on the track and jumping in the pile at the end. Even when you two were helping Dad rake them all up to put in a trash bag, you still had fun. It took a little bit longer than it probably should have, but fun was had and memories were made. The excitement that you and Gavin have shown for this beautiful time of year is enough to make it anyone's favorite season. In fact, just the other day you declared "fall" your most favorite season!

You and I did something pretty special together just a few days ago. The university here in town put on a showing of Cinderella! I'm so glad that my friend brought it to my attention and arranged our tickets/seats, etc. We snuck out Sunday afternoon, just you and me, and enjoyed a couple of magical hours. About twenty minutes in to the show, you turned around and gave me the biggest hug and whispered "I am so glad that you brought me." This was followed up throughout the rest of the show with multiple "thank yous" and "I love it!" along with many gasps of amazement and excitement. It was magical seeing you love it so much and I am so glad we got to have that time together! It isn't often that it's just the two big girls, so hopefully as Avery gets older we can do some of these things more and more.

Cinderella! You loved every minute of it!

Mom and Sydney

You were so excited to meet "Cinderella" and the "Prince"!

What a special afternoon we had. I am so grateful that we got to sneak away and enjoy this together.Every day I am amazed at how you are growing up right before my very eyes! We are so proud of the little person that you are and are becoming. I love you!

Mom

Letters to our Children: Gavin

Oh sweet Gavin.

As I sit down to type this I am coming down off of a few frustrating moments regarding the amount of lunch you ate (or lack thereof) and whether or not you chose to eat or chose to rest. I ended up making the decision for you and you are now resting on the couch. Sweet boy, you challenge me in ways that I never thought possible, but then in the same breath, same blink of an eye, you can melt my heart completely.

Moments after you were born, the doctor proclaimed "it's a boy!" and I burst into tears with happiness and joy. I was excited to have a little boy and a little brother for Sydney. I never had a brother and I always wondered what it would be like. However, I also remember being nervous about raising a little boy. I was nervous about the fearlessness that often comes so naturally for little boys. I'm a cautious person by nature, sensitive, and not terribly outgoing. Sydney is very similar. I knew that you would be your very own little person (probably more like your dad!)....I was right. And I have loved every minute of watching you grow and explore and change and learn and love. You were the sweetest baby and loved to snuggle. I worried that you would outgrow that, but I am thankful that you haven't. You were not very interested in sitting and reading stories (like Sydney was from the get-go), you were always on the go exploring new toys and new things. It wasn't until you were probably a year and a half that you finally would sit still for a book or to try a puzzle--I loved that time with you! (You are still constantly on the go...you go "super speed" all day until your head hits the pillow at night. It never takes you long to fall asleep--and you are always the first one to wake up in the morning!) Now you enjoy reading and you are the puzzle master! I think you have more puzzles in your room than most 3 year old little boys, that is for sure. Sometimes, when you're quiet, I will frantically run to check on you (because you have been known to cause some mischief...), but sometimes, I will find you sitting quietly with a book or two, or three and on occasion a puzzle or two. I love those moments. I love working on puzzles with you but mostly I like sitting back and watching you as your mind gets to work and "solves" the puzzle. You are clever and creative and persistent. You hate being pulled from something before it is completed (a puzzle, a game, a book, a show) and oftentimes you will scramble to finish it up simply so it can be done before you leave it. It drives me crazy sometimes, but I try to just roll with it. It's who you are (and who your dad is as well) and even though it may be something that causes me some grief now, I know it's a trait that will take you far. You love to play hard and rough house, but you also love to love on your family members (and will even pass out hugs to people you just met!) Those who meet you can't help but love you and fall for those baby blue eyes of yours that contain just the right amounts of charm and orneriness. You love playing with Sydney and miss her terribly while she is at school. Once she is home, I don't usually see the two of you unless a problem arises. Both of you are off together playing dinosaur land or trucks or trains or if you're outside, she loves to push you on the tire swing! You let out the most amazing laugh...it is contagious. It melts me when I see the two of you play so well together!

Currently you are in your second month of preschool and I am slowly starting to accept the fact that you are growing up! "That's what happens" your dad says, "kids grow up." It isn't as black and white for me because in my mind you are still my little baby boy. However, seeing you love and enjoy and thrive in school makes my heart so happy. You are doing such a great job in preschool and usually like to tell me about your days and sing the Goodbye Song for me. (Except the other day you politely said "can you stop talking to me please?" while we were driving home. ;) How can I argue with that?!) Now that we have Avery and you are no longer the official baby of the house, I view you more as my "little" boy than my baby boy and it's okay. I have loved watching you take over your new role as big brother to Avery. She adores you and smiles so brightly at you, sometimes when you don't even notice she's doing it. You give her the sweetest kisses and loves and again, it melts me.

So dear Gavin, thank you for bringing so much adventure and spunk to our lives. I am honored to be your mom and to watch you become an amazing little man. There is so much that lies ahead for you and I am excited to be a part of your journey! I love you more than you will ever know!

Love,
Mom

Letters to our Children: Sydney

Dearest Sydney,

You are now in your second month of Kindergarten and you have far exceeded my expectations of how well you would do in school. I knew you would love it. I knew you would work hard, listen, pay attention, and do your best. Mrs. Rich has said that you are a "great Kindergartener"! I knew you would be! What has amazed me even more is how much you have grown right before our very eyes over the last couple of months. You are wise beyond your years my love. Some of the things you say blow me away and even more so, some of the things you do, has made me even MORE proud to be your mom. You have stood up for friends and peers who were being teased, you have stood up to friends who were doing the teasing, more importantly, you have stood up for yourself against peers who were teasing you. Just last night you told me a story about a little person who was teasing you for things you couldn't do, that he could. You confidently and casually said to me "but I know that there are things that I can do, that he can too." During the first weeks of school, someone teased you for not being able to climb as high as he could, once again, you confidently and casually stated "well I showed him and climbed even higher!" My heart could have burst with pride. You are naturally a very sensitive little person--much like me--you empathize with people who are hurting, sad, happy, or excited. You are so helpful and you want to make everything better for everyone. You love so much and are so generous and thoughtful and caring. Hang on to these qualities sweet girl. You are already becoming an amazing person. However, I know that by being a sensitive person, it leaves the door open to people criticizing things you can or can't do and this often leads to teasing. Before we sent you to Kindergarten, I hoped and I prayed that you would have the confidence in your amazing little self to stand up to these critics that were your peers, but to also love them and guide them to love others. You were so proud of yourself after you "showed" that boy that you could climb higher, the next day he apologized to you and you told me "maybe I taught him how to be nice to other people who can't do some things." Again...a moment of a heart-bursting-with-pride for me.

These are just a few of the moments from these first couple of months that I look at you and think to myself "when did our first baby girl grow up so much?" I am sad the time has flown by (and is flying by) as quickly as it has, but I absolutely love and cherish these moments that give us a sneak peek in to the person you are going to become. And what a beautiful one you are...inside and out, in every way. You work hard, you are inquisitive, clever, and creative. I love watching your mind work as you take random, ordinary things around the house and turn them into exactly what you had dreamed up in your mind. You are capable of doing so many amazing things in your life, Sydney, and you will touch many lives along the way. I am honored to be a part of your journey and I cannot wait to see what is in store for you. I love you more than you will ever know!

Love,
Mom

Letters to our Children

I have been inspired by a friend who recently shared her own blog and her mission to write a letter to her daughter every month. As anyone can see, from my last post, our sweet Avery wasn't even here yet and I haven't updated since. Life has been kind of crazy-the best kind of crazy-and I did at least type up her birth story so I have it forever. However, I am self-admittedly terrible at writing things down--milestones reached, funny sayings/doings, events and trips, etc., etc., etc. I promise myself at the time that I will always remember whatever it was that was so sweet, endearing, funny or crazy, but then before I know it, time has flown by and I find that I just cannot recall certain moments like I used to. Anyhow, I thought that writing one letter to each of our children every month should be totally doable. I want to do this for them, and for me, but mostly for them. They will want these memories as much as I will later on in our lives. I'm starting with our sweet Avery. :)

***********************************************************
Dearest Avery Jordann.

Today is a pretty big day for you! Today marks your half birthday, six months of your beautiful little life. Six months since you came in to this world at warp speed and melted every single one of our hearts. I remember that moment as if it were just yesterday, which is probably why it is so hard for me to believe that we are already here. You were born, I looked to your dad and he mouthed the words, "it's a girl." And I just lost it...I cried the happiest of tears. You were here--you were safe--you were ours. I remember telling your dad, long before I was pregnant with you, that if we had another baby I just "felt" that we would have another girl. (I was not a good "guesser" about your sister and brother, so he just shrugged at me and went on about his business!) I had a very vivid dream while I was pregnant with you--and we had a little girl. I recall waking up the morning after that dream feeling so incredibly excited to meet you (I didn't know at the time of the dream if you were a boy or a girl) and I felt so incredibly full of love for you...long before you were even in my arms.

 Every member of our little family (and extended family) has just fallen in love with you! I have said from the beginning, that Avery is a little person who knows what she wants when she wants it. When you were ready to make your big debut, you arrived in record time. In the first few days of your life I was stressing about making sure you nursed every two hours on the dot. You fought me hard-we were both in tears. Until I figured out that you were just sleepy and that maybe, just maybe you were the kind of little person who wanted to eat every three hours (thanks Aunt Bailey for helping me accept that!) Sure enough, you would snooze a bit and wake up and eat exactly three hours after your last feeding. Even now, you can be the most patient and tolerant little person, until you've had enough and then you do not hesitate to make your frustrations known. In addition to that, I am completely overwhelmed by your sweetness, your laidback and patient demeanor, your smile, your eyes, your beautiful bald head, your wandering and exploring hands that always find my face or my hair while we're rocking at night. Those same wandering and exploring hands like to find Daddy's face, Gavin's nose, and Sydney's eyeglasses.  I am trying my very hardest to soak up all of these precious moments with you, for I know they fly by way too fast. I hold you a little bit longer in the middle of the night, after you have finished eating and you drift off to sleep. I wear you a little bit more in the baby carrier because I love "snuggling" with you. I love to lay on the play mat with you, just to be that close to you, and see the world from your eyes. I absolutely adore watching you react when you see your brother and sister. You LOVE them and get the biggest smile on your face when they come around. You kick and wiggle and sometimes even "talk" to them until they come close and you start reaching for their faces, their hair, their hands. They adore you, Avery and they cannot get enough of you. You have your Daddy wrapped around your finger and I think he tells you 20 times every day how beautiful and sweet you are and how much he loves you. You are the perfect addition to our family Avery. You make this family complete! I cannot wait to see what lies in store for you as you continue to grow and change. I am honored to be your mother and I love you more than you will ever know.

Love,
Mom

Spring Break...Snow Break!

As stated before, our weather this "spring" break has been far from spring-like! However, we have been able to still have some fun in and around the house, and out and about!

Friday morning we rode with friends to see the movie "The Croods." We went to the 10:45 show and must have barely made it in time because shortly after we found our seats we learned that our showing had sold out! The kids had fun and did really well during the movie. It was something I tried to soak up as I know that pretty soon it just won't be as easy as piling in to a friend's van to head to the movies!

 "The Croods" crew!

Mmm..."popcorns" as Gavin likes to call it! (this was also the day after he started referring to himself as Superman...hence the shirt he chose to wear that day!)

The next day was Joe's day off. Hooray! He and Gavin had some "boy bonding time" taking the 4 wheeler out into the country to refill deer feeders and replace batteries in trail cameras. :) Sydney and I stuck around and headed off to the grocery store. Fun, fun! When the boys got home Gavin had something really exciting to share with us....

That afternoon it started to snow. That evening it snowed some more...and some more...and some more. We woke up to about 6-8 inches in our driveway (according to our chief snow-shoveler aka Joe) with drifts up to about a foot deep. The kids played in the snow while he shoveled and we've just been enjoying the snow days ever since! 

 Getting the seed starter kit ready...if spring ever truly arrives!

 Part of our African safari that Sydney set up in the living room today on our snow day...

 Gavin wasn't entirely interested in exploring with us....

Our very own "gator boy"....he wrapped him up and was preparing to return him to the water. :)

Yes, they are still in pajamas. Maybe tomorrow we'll have to return to reality, but until then, we are just going to be "hanging out" as Sydney likes to say!

"Spring" break!

Today marks the first day of Spring and luckily, so far, the sun is shining...but that is about the only thing to enjoy on the first day of this beautiful season. The temperature has not rose above 50 degrees since probably Friday...it snowed yesterday...and will snow/rain/sleet tomorrow....and the next day....and the next day. It hardly feels like Spring around here! However, knowing this is more than likely our last "free" time before Baby Time, the kids and I are trying to take it easy, have some fun, and do some silly things!

First off, we have been going outside. Yes, it is cold, yes it is even kind of wet and muddy. However, it is crucial that these children get outside and run about, if even for ten minutes! Yesterday we bundled up to head out and water the "baby" apple trees. Although I told them that it was probably just going to be a quick trip to water the trees, it turned in to much more! Bike riding...replacing old corn cobs with new ones for the squirrels...some driveway mowing (by Gavin)...shoveling to search for "treasures"...some hide and seek. We even enjoyed looking at the chalk drawings that were created earlier this week and noticing how the rain/snow had changed them just a bit. 

 

 Sydney's message to Gavin...have I mentioned that she is the sweetest thing??

Today, Sydney requested breakfast for lunch...YUM! Gavin requested that we eat at the "baby blue table." So I whipped up some yummy pancakes, some sweet potato hash browns and we had a delicious lunch. (We decided to enjoy it at lunchtime because it isn't exactly Daddy's favorite meal!) Afterward, Sydney and Gavin set up a campsite in the basement...complete with tents, pillows, blankets, and their favorite things to sleep with. We even threw in a "campfire" and some scary (turned silly!) stories.

Tomorrow will bring some yucky weather, but probably a play date with a couple of their best buds! Maybe a movie day (with popcorn!) and some puzzles. Friday, as long as the weather cooperates, we'll be having a movie morning with friends and then Saturday is Dad's day off--woo hoo!!!

Nesting.

My very unofficial definition of "nesting" goes something like this: a largely pregnant and hormonal woman trying to organize everything in her life physically possible to make up for the fact that she has no control over one, very big thing: when the baby actually decides to arrive. (Because that is the truth, right? It all boils down to this agreement between your baby, your body, and God...which can be slightly maddening. :))

Right now I feel like we are in a holding pattern as we wait and see when our #3 will decide to arrive. I don't like the uncertainty or unpredictability. I don't really consider myself a planner, but when it comes to something big like this, I want as much "lined out" as possible, especially for the sake of Sydney and Gavin. Up until about a month ago, just getting all of the material things "necessary" for the baby was sufficient enough for me. I instantly felt a little relief after a large package from Amazon.com was dropped off at our doorstep by UPS. It contained all of those "necessary" items that I just knew would make me feel more prepared and ready for Baby. Items such as: a new diaper bag (that looks like a purse!)...baby record book (actually something necessary)...new aden+anais swaddle blankets (maybe more for me than Baby...will s/he really care if they're swaddled in 100% cotton muslin? probably not...) and a few other little things. I promptly washed, dried, and packed them up for Baby...relieved that we were "finally" ready. Right? Fast forward to about a week ago, I woke up shortly after Joe left, worrying about whether we needed a single stroller or not. I woke up and started researching and emailing him YouTube links to possible options. (This particular search is still on, by the way.) Do I really need this? (I could justify any baby gear purchase), but maybe if I buy this one more thing it will make me more prepared to have this baby. (I think it is all mental, though I would never admit that to my husband. :))

So now I am nesting. I bought all the "things"--I packed all of our bags--made all of our calling lists--and now...we...wait. To occupy my time and expend my energy I have become obsessed with cleaning and organizing the most random spaces in our home for the most bizarre reasons. The urge to clean that "something" truly hits me like a ton of bricks and I have to get it done right away. A few weeks ago, it was the top of my washer and dryer that I cleaned, the laundry room floor that I swept (because maybe whoever stays with the kids might need to do laundry and I wanted the laundry room to be presentable...)--I washed the bedding in the extra bedroom...just in case!--I cleaned my stove top burners this past weekend (instead of cleaning for G's birthday party), because they were filthy and driving me crazy--I am constantly wiping down my counters, the table, sweeping the floor, and keeping my sink clean (though not always a top priority). I love the smell of my vinegar+Dawn+ water cleaner, and my vinegar+water cleaner, and lemon Clorox wipes. I love the smell of freshly washed clothes. I even love the smell of the cleaning spray our custodian uses at school. It just smells clean--and I am obsessed with that right now. WHY?

The end of pregnancy is such a waiting game and so much of this is out of my hands. I am truly trying to keep myself busy with things that are in my control and I am trying to prepare as much as possible. Our baby is coming! That much we are sure of. Maybe I am trying to ensure that our environment is ready for Baby too? Maybe by my constant cleaning, it will make our transition from 2 to 3 kiddos just a bit easier? Maybe it is a type of foreshadowing that once Baby is here, almost none of this stuff will be done for a very, very long time, so I need to do it now. ?? I don't know. For now though, it does give me peace of mind, a little sense of calm in my heart, and a little sense of control in a completely unpredictable situation that involves a lot of waiting. Just...waiting. :)

From just a bun in the oven...

my silly last second way of sharing our news with Joe...he came home early that day!

to almost fully "baked"...:)

 We cannot wait to meet our newest little addition!

5!

You got it. She is five and fabulous at it! This little lady of ours blows our minds every day. She is inquisitive--always wondering the why, how, when, where, and what...she loves to learn...she loves to take charge (especially when it comes to imaginative play--I can't ever seem to say the "right" lines for what she has envisioned for our storyline)...she is reading! (makes this mother of hers beam!)...drawing and coloring pictures for the people she loves the most is one of her very favorite things...she is thoughtful and considerate...gentle and maternal--the perfect little mother hen...she is ambitious--already planning her life when she grows up (she assures me that she'll visit us as much as she can, but she will have a house of her own! A pink and purple one, of course.) She is such a clever girl...responsible and an amazing helper! She will soon become the best big sisterx2 a person has ever seen and she could not be more ready for her newest role in our family. Also, in just a few short months, this little lady will be heading off to Kindergarten. An adventure that she is completely excited to begin. She's ready right? We've prepared her right? I'm not so sure I am ready for it....however, we are doing our best to raise her to be the best little person she can be so she can go out into a not so great world and be the light that others may need. I can see her now, taking quieter friends under her wing...trying new things and "never giving up"...taking charge and hopefully, hopefully standing up for herself. Although my heart constricts and my stomach tightens when I think of her being thrown in to a completely different setting, with brand new people from all walks of life, facing new challenges every single day...I am still excited for her. I need to be. She needs to face this knowing that we believe in her and that we know she'll be awesome at it. Enough about that...more to come on this topic as August approaches...I am sure of it!

Just as three sounds big for Gavin, five sounds just as big for our sweet Sydney. How is it possible that our lives can fly by so quickly? How is it fair that this time flies by so quickly? I've been trying really hard to take more TIME and make more memories with our kids. It's hard and I know I fail sometimes because dishes need put away or dinner needs to be fixed or we have dance class or somewhere else we need to be...but it is definitely a standing goal of mine, every single day. So when we were invited to go see a production of The Nutcracker with friends of ours, I jumped at the chance! How much more magical could this be?! How often do I get time with JUST Sydney? We were so excited. The little girls got all dolled up in their Christmas dresses, we had lunch, and an absolutely magical afternoon at the performance! Sydney still talks about it and we are looking forward to going back next year!

As for her celebration, she wanted a rainbow birthday party in the middle of December. :) Perfect and so fitting for our sweet and cheerful girl! Here are a few pictures of her special day!

  

 Preschool Christmas program!

 Letter from Santa!

 Playing in the snow...

 Feeding squirrels...one of her jobs!

 Happy birthday morning, sweet girl!

Where has the time gone?

It seems like only yesterday we welcomed our sweet, handsome little boy into this world. It doesn't seem that long ago that he was exploring his world from wherever we plopped him (the rug, the bouncy seat, the swing...)--so anxious to keep up with his big sister and figure out everything around him.

aah! our sweet little guy!

How is it possible that this same blue eyed boy is now almost three years old? THREE. It just sounds so grown up and big and independent. Having an "almost" three year old brings a lot of changes in to a household...here are just a few examples:

•  he seems to be developing more and more of an opinion about everything (what shirt he wears, what show he watches, what he eats for snack or lunch...)
• no longer does he wear diapers...which makes everything he wears make him look even more like a big boy
• we said "goodbye" to the pacifier and to be 100% honest...it is bittersweet that it was such an easy transition (luckily he will forever have his buddy "Dog" to keep him company at sleep-time...and to keep him little...)
• he'll be attending preschool. PRESCHOOL. This will happen in just a few short months.
• he can verbalize when he is mad at you and tell you exactly WHY he is mad at you (This statement comes complete with crossed arms, pouting lips, and upturned nose.)
• jokes and ornery smiles and silly faces are intentional now...he loves to make us laugh!
• phrases like "oh my gosh!", "I'm busy..." and "come on Moooommmm..." are an everyday occurrence that I only once imagined I would hear come out of his mouth
• he reads by himself, makes up words to cards, plays trains and trucks whenever he can
• he is soon to be a big brother and he will be awesome at it.

Along with all of these new changes, there are still things that he does that reassure this momma that he is still our little boy. He loves to snuggle and give hugs and kisses. He still calls for us when he needs something and he likes to hold our hand, rub our arm, or give us a little love pat. I am trying to soak all of these little moments up!

Yesterday we celebrated this sweet, almost 3 year old of ours. It was such a happy day, as we all packed in to our house to celebrate his special day a few weeks early (just in case Little Sis or Little Bro decides to make an early appearance). Here are a few pictures from his day!

 He wasn't really sure about the singing until we all said....

 "Happy birthday dear Gavin..." :)

 Wish big, sweet boy!

We love you!!