Nesting.

My very unofficial definition of "nesting" goes something like this: a largely pregnant and hormonal woman trying to organize everything in her life physically possible to make up for the fact that she has no control over one, very big thing: when the baby actually decides to arrive. (Because that is the truth, right? It all boils down to this agreement between your baby, your body, and God...which can be slightly maddening. :))

Right now I feel like we are in a holding pattern as we wait and see when our #3 will decide to arrive. I don't like the uncertainty or unpredictability. I don't really consider myself a planner, but when it comes to something big like this, I want as much "lined out" as possible, especially for the sake of Sydney and Gavin. Up until about a month ago, just getting all of the material things "necessary" for the baby was sufficient enough for me. I instantly felt a little relief after a large package from Amazon.com was dropped off at our doorstep by UPS. It contained all of those "necessary" items that I just knew would make me feel more prepared and ready for Baby. Items such as: a new diaper bag (that looks like a purse!)...baby record book (actually something necessary)...new aden+anais swaddle blankets (maybe more for me than Baby...will s/he really care if they're swaddled in 100% cotton muslin? probably not...) and a few other little things. I promptly washed, dried, and packed them up for Baby...relieved that we were "finally" ready. Right? Fast forward to about a week ago, I woke up shortly after Joe left, worrying about whether we needed a single stroller or not. I woke up and started researching and emailing him YouTube links to possible options. (This particular search is still on, by the way.) Do I really need this? (I could justify any baby gear purchase), but maybe if I buy this one more thing it will make me more prepared to have this baby. (I think it is all mental, though I would never admit that to my husband. :))

So now I am nesting. I bought all the "things"--I packed all of our bags--made all of our calling lists--and now...we...wait. To occupy my time and expend my energy I have become obsessed with cleaning and organizing the most random spaces in our home for the most bizarre reasons. The urge to clean that "something" truly hits me like a ton of bricks and I have to get it done right away. A few weeks ago, it was the top of my washer and dryer that I cleaned, the laundry room floor that I swept (because maybe whoever stays with the kids might need to do laundry and I wanted the laundry room to be presentable...)--I washed the bedding in the extra bedroom...just in case!--I cleaned my stove top burners this past weekend (instead of cleaning for G's birthday party), because they were filthy and driving me crazy--I am constantly wiping down my counters, the table, sweeping the floor, and keeping my sink clean (though not always a top priority). I love the smell of my vinegar+Dawn+ water cleaner, and my vinegar+water cleaner, and lemon Clorox wipes. I love the smell of freshly washed clothes. I even love the smell of the cleaning spray our custodian uses at school. It just smells clean--and I am obsessed with that right now. WHY?

The end of pregnancy is such a waiting game and so much of this is out of my hands. I am truly trying to keep myself busy with things that are in my control and I am trying to prepare as much as possible. Our baby is coming! That much we are sure of. Maybe I am trying to ensure that our environment is ready for Baby too? Maybe by my constant cleaning, it will make our transition from 2 to 3 kiddos just a bit easier? Maybe it is a type of foreshadowing that once Baby is here, almost none of this stuff will be done for a very, very long time, so I need to do it now. ?? I don't know. For now though, it does give me peace of mind, a little sense of calm in my heart, and a little sense of control in a completely unpredictable situation that involves a lot of waiting. Just...waiting. :)