3 years.

When I think of 3 years ago, I was just about four months pregnant with Gavin. When I think about his birth and his last two and a half years, I can only think of how quickly that time has flown by. Today I think of my mom. Three years ago today we said goodbye to her, watched her take her last breath and leave us to join other loved ones in Heaven and become our guardian angel. Three years seems like an eternity to have been without her. I miss her hugs, her smell, her voice, her cooking, the list goes on. I miss the feeling of "home" I would get in our old house when she would make our favorite meal when we returned, or have a new toy for Sydney to play with, or play Wahoo (a crazy marble game that our family loves). With the holiday season coming up, it was her favorite time of the year and while it is my favorite as well (probably because of her!), I miss the little "something" she would bring to a holiday at home. Life made sense when Mom was here.

I think of all of the things that I feel like she is missing, especially now, and what our children are missing by not having her here. I wish Gavin could have known her. I wish she could have known him! To see the silly, sweet, ornery little man that he is and how much he can try our patience and melt our heart all in a swing of a few moments. He would have her wrapped around her finger with a first glance. I really wish she could see the beautiful little person Sydney has become and is growing into. She loves to learn and inquire, explore and try to read--my mother, the teacher, would just soak it all in and know exactly what to do to encourage her to learn more and try more and explore more. They deserved more time with her as their grandmother.

I wish for my sister, that my mom were here, while she prepares for the biggest day of her and her fiance's life together. I have so many wonderful memories of our wedding involving my mom that my sister will not have--and that breaks my heart. I find myself trying to recreate some of the "mom" things that she did for me or that she would have done for Bailey and it's almost impossible. How does one truly recreate a "mom" thing?! It's kind of like trying to recreate Grandma's cooking...it never comes out the same. She was not herself the last few years of her life because of her illness, however, she was still driven to be the best mom and grandmother possible.

I am sad today, but I am going to try to focus on the good and the happy memories and gift(s) that our mother gave us. My sister is one of those gifts. I don't know what I would have done without her these past few years!! I feel like we help each other keep Mom's memory alive and that is a blessing in and of itself. So many of the little things that she did for Bailey and me, I use for my own children, and every time we share a thought or story of Grandma Kathy, her memory will live on through them. It doesn't take away the pain of missing her, but I can now think of her as the mom I knew for the first 25 years of my life instead of just dwelling on those last few, awful days. Many people told me I would eventually be able to get past that...I didn't believe them...but by the Grace of God, and with time, it has happened. I was blessed to call her mine and I was blessed that she showed me how to be a mom. Selfishly, I miss her terribly, but I am so glad that she has a place in Heaven where she is happy and whole and without pain. I just look forward to the day that we are reunited together someday.

Never a dull moment with these two!

Playing dress-up :)

 Exploring!

 His newest line and move..."I'm mad!"

 One of the few fits per day that we see from our awesome 2 year old! :)

We LOVE fall!

Apple picking...

 Apple pie...YUM!

 Isn't it a beautiful thing?

 Pumpkin patch!

 boo!

 bwoo-ha-ha! 

 Found the perfect pumpkins!

 All of our pumpkins and the hay rack ride!

 Curling up with a good book in a comfy chair, with a cozy blanket. :)

 and.....football!

 It makes him sweaty. :)

We do love fall for all of the reasons above. The colors, the smells, the cool weather that encourages more family time outside and inside, traditions, holidays...it is absolutely one of our most favorite times of the year!

Our little loves have some big news!

The very last day of July we found out we were expecting a third little bundle of joy! I had my first appointment in September and all looked as great as it can at 10 weeks. I had forgotten how long this first appointment was! Sonogram (yay!), visit with dr., bloodwork, etc. The sonogram was by far the best part. Being the third time I have had this first 10 week sonogram, I was very excited, but was surprised at how emotional I became. It is just so amazing and I don't think a person could ever get used to that moment when you see your first, second, or even third sweet little "gummy bear" on the screen. Baby was "resting" at first, but then soon after started bouncing around, stretching, kicking, and "waving." I was on cloud 9 walking out of that room and feeling so very, very blessed. ETA April 9, 2013! (One day earlier than big brother Gavin's due date!)

We told the kids that night (mostly because we were so excited!) Of course Sydney was thrilled and Gavin doesn't really understand yet, which is understandable! The next day Sydney told our daycare provider and the news has trickled throughout town ever since. :)

Since we had just been back to my hometown the weekend before, (and it is a long haul to-and-from), we decided to send a surprise photo card out to our family! Here was the big reveal photo. :) Let me tell you what, it is a true miracle that this photo was even possible...there were probably 3-4 timeouts in the course of this photo session, many tears and frustrating moments, mostly coming from our two year old. BUT the most important thing is that in this case "last time is a charm" and it all worked out perfectly!

our three loves!

They look excited....right? :)

Just as I expected....

 School started and I completely slacked off on updating. The month of August flew by. We had a Worlds of Fun Family day courtesy of Joe's work. It was a very long day (and I learned that I prefer Worlds of Fun over Oceans of Fun for multiple reasons), but the kids loved it. Gavin fell asleep during supper and actually, just yesterday Sydney asked me when we could go back! 

Riding the train!

Sydney and me on the Viking Voyager...she loved it!

 In August not only did I return to school, but it was Sydney's first year of Preschool. The week before their first day we attended an Open House and of course, Sydney found the reading corner and the imaginative play area with the kitchen and baby dolls. Gavin enjoyed the blocks and the trucks. Of course. :)

 My handsome boy at the Gardner rodeo! We went to watch cousins Jase and Brian ride bulls!

 Sydney's first day of Preschool. She was so excited and I was so excited for her, but it was rough for this momma. I was lucky enough to have someone cover my classroom so I could drop her off myself for her first day. She was such a big girl, so excited and happy to be there. I held it together until I got to the parking lot and then of course I cried! She is getting so big, so fast and I knew that next year will be a drop-off for Kindergarten! We are so proud of the little person she has become and is becoming. We know she'll do great things.

 The kids requested to go fishing one weekend so we spent a very uneventful day at Pomona Lake. The only one of them to even get a bite was this little guy. The one who kept talking loudly, splashing the pole in the water, and having us cast so he could reel in (over and over and over again).

 All in all August was a very busy month, luckily September slowed down a bit for us, just in time for October to roll in...